Nico Watches Twilight
by AwesomeAutumnGirl
Summary: Title kinda sums it up. Nico's reaction to Twilight.
1. To Percy!

*Midnight, Camp Half Blood."

Nico Di Angelo sits alone on his bed, watching a terrible movie on his large tv.

"Oh, my, Gods! Just turn her into a vampire Edward! Then at least she'd stop whining!" Nico snapped at the tv.

Thankfully, the tv did not answer.

Unable to watch anymore, Nico storms out of his cabin, towards the only person he thought would understand.

"Percy!" he yelled, banging on the door.

Percy stumbled out the door, half awake, and in purple pajamas covered in smiling fish, with a navy tank top that read: Aqua Man rocks!

"Nico, what're you doing…it's midnight?"

"Percy, I have to talk to you." Nico stomped into Percy's cabin. Percy stood motionless in the open doorway, trying to recover. 1 minute later, he shook his head, and closed the door.

"Alright Nico," Percy sighed, sitting on his bed, "What's up?"

"Well, not Eclipse, apparently. Eclipse sucks! So," Nico began.

"Wait. Nico, why were you watching a chick flick?"

Nico looked offended, even though he hated Eclipse. "Percy, Eclipse is not a chick flick. It is a dark, and moody movie. Perfect for me, or so I thought."

"Whatever." Percy yawned.

"_As I was saying, _it sucks! Bella is so annoying, and whiny. Why can't Edward just turn her into a vampire, so she'd shut up! And it is such a play on death! Ooh, when Dad hears about this…"

"He'll roll his eyes. Like me." Percy finished. Nico scowled.

"Clearly you don't understand." Nico snapped emotionally, and stormed out of the room.


	2. Annabeth will understand!

Nico walked, fuming, to his cabin. Then he had an epiphany: He would go to Annabeth! His excitement reignited, he sprinted to Annabeth's cabin.

Pounding on the door, he yelled "Annabeth, Annabeth!" Nobody answered, so he knocked again, louder.

"ANNABETH!" He shouted.

He heard the sound of stomping feet, and then the door was flung open, revealing a monster. Its hair was sticking up in random places, and was unimaginably tangled. Its eyes were puffy, and narrowed. There was green stuff all over it, and it was hunched over.

"Aaah!" Nico shouted.

"Annabeth? What's going on?" A voice called from inside the cabin.

"Nothing, Malcolm. Go back to sleep." Annabeth slammed the door behind her, and stood in front of Nico, arms crossed.

"Nico, it's one in the morning, you better have a good reason for this." Annabeth hissed.

"Oh, it's just you Annabeth. It is important! Twilight sucks!" Nico widened his eyes.

"Did you talk to Percy about this astonishing fact?" Annabeth asked.

"Yes! But he didn't care, so I decided to come to a level headed person! Which is you!" Nico beamed. Annabeth groaned.

"Alright, Twilight sucks. Good night." Annabeth turns around, and reaches for the doorknob.

"Wait!" Nico said, surprised.

"Whaaat?" Annabeth whined like a 5 year old.

"I have to explain in great detail what makes it suck, my opinions, and how it could be better." Nico said as if this were obvious.

"Can't we talk about this in the morning?" Annabeth pleaded.

"It is the morning." Nico said.

Annabeth scowled. "Ok, then we won't talk about this at all." With that, she stormed into her cabin, slamming the door.

Nico' s shoulders slumped. He stomped to the center of all the cabins.

"DOES NOBODY UNDERSTAND ME?!" He screamed dramatically, and stomped into his cabin. Where he continued watching Twilight. He had to know just how much the movie sucked, or if it got any better.


	3. The Hunters!

Nico stared at the screen as it played Twilight. He tried to think of why nobody understood him.

"_Well I'll just have to find someone who does. I have to talk to everybody in camp." _He decided. He glanced at the clock. 2:00 am.

"I'll see if I can talk to Thalia. She's immortal, and according to Twilight, immortals don't sleep." Nico reasoned.

Nico walked towards the glowing silver cabin.

"THALIA! THALIA! I HAVE TO TAL K TO YOU!" Nico pounded on the door.

The door was immediately thrown open. A girl with blue jeans, sneakers, a silver parka, and long brown hair answered the door.

"Who are you?" she asked rudely.

"Nico Di Angelo. And I have urgent news for Thalia!" Nico said quickly and urgently.

"We don't talk to boys." The girl began to close the door.

"Wait! Please, it's an emergency!" Nico cried.

The girl sighed. "Thalia! This kid needs to talk to you."

"I am _not _a KID."

"Yeah? How old are you?" she retorted.

Nico drew himself up to his full height. "I, Nico Di Angelo, son of Hades, totally awesome demigod, am 13 years old."

"Oh well, excuse me. I'm 30. Therefore, I'm an adult, and can tell you what to do." The girl loomed over Nico dangerously.

"Give it a rest, Rosalie." Thalia interrupted suddenly.

"Oh, no wonder you're so mean. Your name is Rosalie, just like the blonde girl in Twilight. Nico said brightly.

Rosalie looked like she was about to punch Nico in the face, and she probably was, but Thalia lightly pushed her inside.

"Go back inside, Rose. I'll be in in a minute." Thalia rolled her eyes.

Once Rosalie had gone inside, Thalia shut the door, and faced Nico.

"Alright, kid, what do you want?" Thalia asked coldly.

"First of all, I am not a kid! Second, don't be mean like Rosalie. Third, it's about Twilight." Nico summed things up.

"You are so. Freaking. LUCKY that you didn't try to explain this to any other hunter. Because, if you had, you would have ended up with an arrow in your head, and probably a few broken ribs. But I'll just give you this: All Twilight movies suck, and if you don't get out right now, you'll get a broken nose." Thalia explained curtly.

"Wait! That's just it! Twilight sucked! I just had to tell you!" Nico exclaimed.

"Good for you," Thalia said sarcastically, "Now get out."

"Wait! Just one more thing: You're immortal, so do you sleep?" 

"Yes, Nico. We sleep, but rarely. We're usually too busy to sleep. Now GO AWAY!

"But…but…I need to explain it to you! I need to voice my opinion! I need to…" Nico said.

He didn't get to finish; Thalia had slammed the door.

"What. The. HADES IS WRONG WITH EVERYBODY!" Nico yelled furiously.

"Shut up!" somebody yelled from one of the cabins.

A/N Who should he bother next? Write in the review section or PM! Love reading all of your reviews!


	4. Clarisse!

Nico wondered gloomily around, wondering who to spread his wisdom to. He started naming all the cabins off the top of his head, making mental checkmarks on one he hadn't visited yet…He soon came upon one: Ares.

He sprinted to the nearby red cabin, and realized that they had covered the door in barbed wire. He frowned, and charged into a nearby shadowy tree.

He reappeared inside the Ares bunk room, and nearly tripped over a pair of nun chucks going over to Clarisse's bed. He gained his balance, somewhat, and tip toed over to her bed.

He poked her face, several times until she stirred.

"P-p-mmph." Clarisse sounded like she was trying to say punk, but was to sleepy to do so.

"Clarisse." Nico whispered.

Her eyes flew open, and she immediately stood up, raising her fists. She frowned when she saw Nico looking at her, grinning.

"What is it, Punk?" she growled.

"Twilight sucks!" Nico said quickly.

"And?" she grunted.

"Well, let me begin by stating my opinion, things that need to change, why it sucks, and so on." Nico explained.

"No way! I don't have time for that! Go away before I knock you into next week!" Clarisse yelled.

"That's _so _yesterday. Nobody says that anymore Clarisse." Nico rolled his eyes and sighed.

"SHUT UP PUNK!" Clarisse said angrily.

"No way! I _LOVE _talking wayyyy to much to stop!" Nico argued.

"Ugh. Anyway, Twilight sucks. Get over it. Lemme go back to sleep."

"But I want to tell you WHY it sucks! Everyone knows it sucks, but WHY does it suck? I WANT TO TELL YOU!" Nico stomped his foot in outrage.

"I DON'T CARE!" Clarisse yelled.

"I DO!" Nico yelled back.

"SO WHAT? GET A JOURNAL!"

"JOURNALS ARE FOR GIRLS!"

"SO IS TWILIGHT!"

"NO IT'S NOT! AND I WAS EXPERIMENTING WITH MOVIES, SO DON'T JUDGE ME!"

"I'LL JUDGE WHO I WANT YOU GIRLY IDIOT!" Clarisse scowled.

"FINE YOU…YOU…YOU….STRONG IDIOT!" Nico tried to come up with a comeback.

"Ooooh BURN." Clarisse snapped loudly.

"TOTALLY!"

"YOU'RE ACTING LIKE AN APHRODITE GIRL!"

"Am not." Nico sniffed.

"Are so." Clarisse snorted.

"I'M LEAVING!" Nico sobbed, storming out.

**Ok so I think this was my least favorite one to write…buuuut…I hope you enjoy. This was for you, Lulu Caty! Hope you enjoyed!**


	5. Aphrodite!

Nico stood there for a moment, considering who else he could confide in. Perhaps Silena. She must know how stupid Edward and Bella's love is.

He ran to the pink house, but when he reached the stairs, he had to stop for a moment.

Nico took a moment to gag his heart out when the stench of perfume wafted over to him.

_"It's for the greater good. I must tell about the suckiness of Eclipse!" _Nico thought to himself. Holding his breath, he walked closer to the terrible smelling Barbie house.

Reluctantly exhaling, Nico desensitized himself to the perfume smell. Then he knocked loudly on the glittery pink and white door.

To his surprise, the door swung open immediately.

"Hey there, Nico! Whatcha need?" a girl's bubbly voice asked.

Speaking as seriously as possible, Nico answered, "Random girl, I have something important to say, may I come in?"

"Of course! Come join the party! Also, my name's Lucy, not Random Girl." Lucy giggled. Lucy laced her arm through Nico's arm, and dragged him into the glittery cabin.

It seemed as though all the Aphrodite kids were awake, giggling, gossiping, and applying lip gloss.

"Hey, I brought a friend!" Lucy giggled, skipping into the room with Nico, who was gravely looking around the room.

"Hey, sweetie." Silena trilled.

"Hello, Silena. I have a question, and an announcement. First, why are you all awake?" Nico frowned.

"Well duh," Silena rolled her beautiful eyes, causing a shimmer of pink glitter to fall from her eyelids to her cheeks. "We're having a party!"

"Oh." Nico said. Then he proceeded to climb onto a lacy red table, and stood up, raising his hands dramatically.

"Girls, listen up! This news may shock you! It may amaze you! It may change life as you know it!" Nico began.

"Oooooh, are you going to admit you like Thalia! Thalico forever!" a pink-haired girl gushed.

"No. I am NOT in love with Thalia, in fact, she hates me. As I was saying, my news may shock you. All Twilight SUCKS." Nico stomped his foot for effect.

There was a sudden, heavy, silence. You could hear a pin drop. Then, a second later, one by one, the silence was shattered by girls screams.

"OH MY GOD, HE INSULTED THE BEST MOVIE EVER!" a girl sobbed.

Several girls clutched posters of Twilight and Eclipse to their hearts, shrieking and sobbing.

"I still love you, Edward!"

"Team Jacob!"

In the midst of the chaos, Silena stood, furious, staring at Nico dead on.

"How. Dare. You. Insult the best movie in the world." She snarled. She suddenly grabbed a blush brush and threw it at Nico. He shielded his face with his hands. The blush brush exploded into pink glittery face powder, all over him. Now his black hair had sparkly powder in it, and his pale skin was tinted pink.

"Aaaah!" Nico yelled.

"Get him!" Silena shrieked. What seemed like a gazillion girls chased Nico out of the cabin, throwing Twilight posters, mascara, blush, lip gloss, and pretty much everything they got their manicured fingers on, at Nico.

Nico ran as fast as he could, away from the crazy, beautiful drama queens.

"Never ever tell lovey dovey people that cheesy romance movies suck." Nico panted as he came to a stop, finally safe by the lake. He checked his watch. It was 4:01.

"Alright people! WHY CAN'T YOU JUST LISTEN!?" Nico shouted.

**_A/N Thank you all reviewers! And thank you Elmlea for your ideas! _**

**_GrimCreeper- I'm glad you thought it was funny! _**

**_Thaichick7- I know right!_**

**_Anonymous: I don't know who you are but I'm glad you enjoyed!_**


	6. Mr D and Chiron!

Elmlea: Because you said Mr.D before Hypnos kids, I'm writing this one first.

Finwitch: The Hypnos cabin is a really good idea! I'll start writing that one after Mr.D and Chiron.

Guest: I'm glad you love it so much!

Nico stood there panting, thinking of who else he could spread his words of wisdom to. Then it hit him. Literally, it hit him. He had been standing a little ways away from The Big House, and a grape branch had snapped off and hit him, splattering grape juice all over him.

"I know what I must do." Nico nodded.

He, for once, was calm. He glided silently into the Big House, and crept slowly up the stairs. He found a hallway with two doors next to each other. They said: Mr.D and Chiron.

The silence was suddenly shattered.

"MR.D! CHIRROOO N!" Nico yelled at the top of his longs.

Mr. D stumbled out of his door first. He was wearing large pajama pants with grape bunches on them, and a shirt that had a full wine glass on it.

"Nico? What the Zeus are you doing?" Mr.D slurred.

Nico gasped. "Mr.….Mr.…Mr.D…..YOU KNOW MY NAME?!"

"What? Of course I know it! Ocin, right? **_(A/N-Nico backwards) _**No, no, wait! I know! Coni, right? Right. What is it you wanted, Coni?"

"I need Chiron out here first…hold on…" Nico walked over to Chiron's door.

He started pounding his fists on it as hard as he could. "CHIRON! CHIRON! CHIROOONNN!" he yelled.

Nico heard a bunch of thumping in the bedroom, and the door flew open. Chiron clumped out, a blanket still on his back.

"Nico, what is it?" he asked, rubbing at his eyes.

"It's extremely important." Nico began.

"Make it quick." Mr.D snapped grumpily.

Nico shot him a look. "_As I was saying, _it's extremely important. It's about Twilight….IT SUCKS!" Nico yelled the last part. "And if you kick me out, I swear to the Gods-"

Up above, thunder boomed.

"Er..sorry gods. Point is…" Nico was, once again, interrupted.

"CONI ANGEL did you REALLY wake me up to TELL ME ABOUT A MOVIE!" Mr.D boomed.

"Mr. Di Angelo, it is in your best interests for me to tell you to GO. Because, if you don't, Mr.D will turn you into a dolphin, and I will have you do all camp chores singlehandedly." Chiron said in forced voice. He actually sounded like he was about to about to go all Coach Hedge on Nico.

"YOU HAVE 3 SECONDS, OR I WILL TURN YOU INTO A DOLPHIN!" Mr.D yelled.

"But…" Nico protested.

"3!"

"If you'd just…" Nico tried again.

"2!" Mr. D continued.

"ALRIGHT!" Nico yelled. He bolted out of the Big House, and when he was on the porch he turned around.

"YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO UNDERSTAND ME! YOU SAID I COULD COME TO YOU WITH ANY PROBLEM I HAD! LIES!" he shrieked. Then he loudly slammed the door, and stomped off.


	7. Hypnos and Hades!

Part 1.

Nico was starting to get sleepy. But no…he must complete his journey! He must! It was his new life goal!

Let's see what cabin hadn't he done yet? The Hypnos kids! Nico trudged sleepily to the door, and walked in. It was warm, and cozy, and there were a lot of extra beds. Gentle snoring filled the room and a fire gently burned logs in the fireplace.

Nico struggled to keep his eyes open. So what did he do? He yelled of course.

"GUYS! WAKE UP! STOP MAKING ME SLEEPY! I HAVE _WORK_ TO DO!" he screamed. The kid on the closest bed blearily opened his eyes, and sleepily sat up.

"Nico? What's up?" he said, sounding dazed.

"Look, I need to talk, Clovis. It's about Twilight." Nico said quickly and desperately.

"What's Twilight? Is it like a game or something?" Clovis asked curiously.

Nico stared at him in shock. "N-no it's a movie! A very_**(Grammatical error, I realize that. I did it on purpose) **_known movie, Clovis." Nico explained.

"Oh." Clovis shrugged. "I wouldn't know, I sleep most of the time anyway. Which I'm about to do right now." He said.

"B-But…" Nico protested.

"You should too Nico. You're a mess. Get some shut-eye, it'll help. There're plenty of beds…" Clovis tempted.

Nico started to get drowsy. "Stop it." He murmured groggily.

"Sleep." Clovis said, and started snoring.

Nico staggered over to one of the empty beds, and fell into a deep sleep.

Part 2

Nico was dreaming. He was walking through the underworld, trying to find his dad's palace. Finally, he reached it. He crossed over the fields of punishment, chanting "TWILIGHT SUCKS! TWILIGHT SUCKS!"

When he reached the gate, there were two armed skeletons.

They wiggled their jaws at him, as though they were trying to talk, but all that came out was a weird popping sound.

"Why do you talk like that? Was there something wrong with them when you were alive? How old are you? When did you die? How did you die? Did it hurt? Do you know Spanish?" Nico asked questions.

The skeletons froze and "stared" at Nico.

"Oh, that's right. You can't talk! You can't answer those questions. Anyways, I'm Nico Di Angelo, and I'm practically V.I.P so, ooh do you guys do valet? Not that I need it, but when I'm a teenager, I will, and I might need it when I come here. Does the Underworld even _have _parking? It should." Nico walked past the two skeletons.

He took off running to his dad's throne room. "Daaaaaad!" he yelled.

"Come in, Nico. I need to talk to you." Hades frowned unhappily.

"So do I!" Nico panted.

"I'm a god, so I'm talking first." Hades concluded.

"Hmph." Nico grumbled.

"Now, I got a text from Chiron and Mr.D. Would you like to read them, Nico?" Hades asked, pulling out in Iphone with a skull cover.

"Sure…" Nico said nervously.

Hades tossed the phone over to Nico. The text from Chiron was already open. It read:

OMG, Nico really doesn't like twilight. He's going around everywhere yelling bout it. He actually woke me up bout it. You need 2 get him under control. Horsey Man.

"Horsey man?" Nico asked.

Hades shrugged. "Go to the next text." He said.

Nico sighed, and swiped his finger across the screen, reading a new text.

"Omg, like, Nico just totally woke me up. Like, I was having this totes awesome dream about drinking, but like, then he woke me up. And I was all like, Whhaaaat? And he was all like, Twilight suxxxxxx! You talk to that boy, hades, or else I'm cracking skulls. No pun intended.-Wine Dude" Nico grinned. "He sounds like a teenage girl!" he exclaimed.

Hades sighed. "I know. But Nico, you gotta stop this. I know that Twilight sucks. But you don't yell about it at night!"

"But, it's important!" Nico argued.

"To you, maybe. But do you really think other people care? How would you feel if someone woke you up screaming about dandelions?" Hades reasoned.

Nico's eyes widened in fear. "No dandelions.." he whispered hoarsely.

"Exactly. Now, as for punishment…"

"What?!" Nico yelled.

"Yes punishment…"

"WHY?! FOR TALKING ABOUT WHAT I BELIEVE IN?! I HAVE MY RIGHTS! FREEDOM OF SPEECH! YOU CAN'T STRIP ME OF MY RIGHTS! I'LL TAKE YOU TO COURT, YOU HEAR ME? COURT!" Nico started screaming.

Hades sighed, and snapped his fingers. Nico immediately was forced to be quiet.

"Now, as I was saying…You will eat healthy food…you are banned from movies, and you must go to bed at 8:00 pm every night for two weeks." Hades counted on his fingers. Then he snapped them, allowing Nico to speak.

"NOOOOOO FATHER! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME? WHYYYY? I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME?!" Nico howled. Then his face went stone hard. "But you can't stop me! I'll do what I WANT! YOU HEAR ME?"

"Actually you can't. All unhealthy resteraunt have an invisible barrier that means only you can't pass. 5 minutes before 8, you'll be magically transported to your cabin, and locked in, and stuck comfortably in your bed. All dvd movies, remotes, and tvs will give you static, or won't work whenever you use them." Hades explained.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Nico howled.

Hades snapped his fingers, and Nico was immediately transported to his cabin, in his bed. There was a note on the pillow.

'I won't begin your grounding until 10:00am tomorrow. You have free reign for tonight. Use it wisely.'-Hades.


	8. AUTHOR'S NOTE

_**(Amazing Phil voice)Hi Guys! So short message:**_

_**MESSAGE TO LULU CATY: The chapter with Nico bothering Clarisse is located AFTER the Hunters and BEFORE Aphrodite, located on CHAPTER FOUR! Hope you enjoyed!**_

_**TO FRENCHIE1999: I apologize, but I cannot do Persephone, because, (aside from Hades) he only bothers demigods...And Persephone has no children, thus making this impossible. My apologies. **_

_**TO THE REST OF THE WORLD: I hope you enjoyed, and I will be doing a few more chapters next week! Enjoy!**_


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